10 Years of Lessons

As 2020 rapidly approaches, I have enjoyed reading articles about the decade bests, whether that be movies, funny memes, or historical moments. As any long-time reader of my blog will know, I enjoy reflecting, and I thought I would put together my Decade list. Instead of regaling you with highlights or favorite movies, I want to share my biggest struggles over the past decade.  

When I decided to reflect on these opportunities for growth, I found it more difficult than I anticipated. At first, I thought I needed to have ten events. One for each year of the decade, but it is hard to categorize struggles that someones spanned more than a year into a tidy box. Also, I had a hard time remembering ten noteworthy events. I can, of course, remember countless smaller piddly little problems, but I didn’t want to spend any time talking about trivial matters.  

In August, the author Elizabeth Gilbert posted the following question to her Instagram account “What was your problem three problems ago?” In the post, she related that the question came from Mooji, a meditation teacher. What struck me about the question is that we often allow little things to overwhelm us daily that in the longer span of our life have minimal impact.  

So instead of trying to find ten stand-alone events, I decided to find themes over the past decade and what I learned from those events.  

Failure & Rejection

In an attempt to find what would be the next phase for me professionally, I had a lot of start and stops. Most of my tears this past decade were around my failures--because I felt so stuck and I was trying to figure a way out and NOTHING seemed to be working. The four stand-out failures were:

1. Failing my National Board Certifications (teaching certification)

2. Failing to get into BYU’s MBA program 

3. Getting rejected from Texas A&M’s HR grad program 

4. Failing to launch my Contemporary Photography company—it never really got any traction

Even though I failed my National Board Certification, I redid a portion and passed the very next year. I did not reapply to the MBA program, but I did apply again to A&M’s HR program, and that worked out successfully. Each of these failures reminded me that sometimes it is not the right timing. This is where my faith heavily plays a roll. I am trying to align my life with what God wants me to do, but I often don’t follow his guidance well--and I’m not very patient. As for my photography business, I have allowed my own insecurities and fear to stop me from progressing. Success will come only if I put in the time and practice--all doable things.  

Loss

I have three categories for my losses:

• Several former students died in the past decade that I adored

• I lost the friendship of a colleague and was unable to repair that relationship

• I said goodbye to teaching and the students I loved

Loss and subsequent grief are always challenging struggles. The emotion I felt most consistently was guilt. Guilt that I didn’t do enough (as a friend, to show how much I loved someone, or that I left a profession that is essential to our society). Learning to stop torturing myself and recognize that as imperfect as I may be, I am trying my best, is vital.  

Accidents

Even when everything is going okay, life throws you curveballs, and you have to adjust. That may be:

• losing your passport while traveling through India

• having your apartment flood TWICE

• accidentally killing two bunnies while driving (within a few weeks)

• nearly breaking your nose while getting out of a bathtub

• getting stuck between the border of Israel and Jordan and wondering if purchasing a carton of cigarettes might be a useful bargaining tool

• or almost getting thrown off a cliff while riding a mule during an excursion in the ancient city Petra and thinking about how devasted your parents will be when they find out you died while abroad

• seriously, I could go on…I have been known to have many accidents

There is always something that will happen that you don’t prepare for. I’ve learned that accidents, although at the time seem like the worst thing in the world, often turn out to be the funniest stories, and they are great practice for creative problem-solving. I also have gained more confidence in my ability to calmly handle almost anything.

Frustration

Frustration is one of my favorite struggles because it is a sign that something is going to change. This change almost always involves an improvement. The two stand-out frustrations of the past decade were:

1. Switching School Districts

2. First-year teaching at Reedy High School

After moving from Las Vegas to Frisco, TX, I thought that it would be easy teaching in a new district. Having to teach classes I knew nothing about (and to be honest, didn’t really like), struggling with the least disciplined class of students I’ve ever taught, and feeling like I couldn’t really be myself as I navigated a new series of expectations, procedures, and bureaucracies of working for a new district was overwhelming.

Opening a new high school was a whirlwind. In addition to opening the school, I was building a new curriculum with the 2-year Humanities Program, learning to co-teach, coaching Academic Decathlon, and being a first-time department chair and instructional coach. I barely had time to breathe that first-year, and I made many mistakes, but I learned to communicate more effectively, built better relationships with my colleagues, and I learned to ask for help (something I can always improve).

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As cheesy as it may sound, I am infinitely grateful for all the hard things I have gone through the past 10 years. Each and every struggle has refined me, humbled me, taught me patience, and expanded my desire to never stop trying.

Over the next 10-years, I want to learn to love myself more, be quicker to give service and to share my love with others, and to spend less time complaining, and more time feeling grateful for the crazy beautiful mess that is my life.

How have you grown over the past decade? What hopes do you have for the next 10 years?