Wannabe Manifesto

What is a wannabe?

My high school, AP Literature teacher, told our class that the summer after high school graduation, we would experience radical personality changes, so many she said that “ we wouldn’t recognize ourselves.”  To be honest, I didn’t believe a word she said.  My very organized, goal-oriented self couldn’t imagine that I wouldn’t follow my five, ten, and fifteen-year plans.  However, to my dismay, everything slowly began to change when I entered college.

I didn't recognize it at the time, but everything I had believed about myself began to transform and what I thought my life would become--moved from certainty to uncertainty. Two months into my first semester, I changed my major twice. Before I graduated with my bachelor’s degree, I transferred to two additional universities and changed my major ten times.

I didn't know it then, but I was a wannabe.

I have spent most of my adult life figuring out who I wanted to be. This has not been an easy process. I have spent so much money on this journey, taken various classes, and received multiple degrees, and still, I haven’t settled on one path. Long gone was the girl who knew exactly what she wanted, replaced with a woman desperate for clarity.

On January 8, 2010, I had my usual “what should I do with my life?” mental dance. I kept thinking about my options and all the different things I wanted to do, and in the middle of curling my hair--I said it out loud, "Wow, I have wanted to be a lot of different things--I’m a total wannabe." Of course, this was said in jest, but when I heard it come out, a small sliver of certainty returned to my life that hadn’t been there since I was in high school. The idea resonated with me. I don't believe I have ever found an idea that more succinctly declares who I am. 

I am a wannabe!

At that moment, I knew I would never be the same person. I finally began to understand that my life’s journey is not a fixed track and that I will always desire and sometimes hope to be something else.  Instead of fighting my indecision and uncertainty, I began to embrace it. 

Does this mean I have all the answers? No

Does this mean I consider myself an expert on finding your life’s passion? Absolutely not; in fact, I hate the word passion.  

All this means is that I have allowed myself the grace to stop comparing myself to other people that seem to have it all figured out.  It has allowed me to be more adventurous and be, at times, a tiny bit fearless.

For years I have loved the poem A Story That Could Be True by William Stafford. My favorite line in the poem is, “Who are you really, wanderer?”

As a wannabe, I often define myself by titles: sister, daughter, aunt, teacher, employee, etc. However, I am more than these titles.  I think self-reflection is the key to any journey.  

I recognize that in our modern, global world, there are countless paths for someone to take, and I also know that I am not the only person out there who doesn't know who they want to be or is questioning how to become something more than they are.

During the Italian Renaissance of the 15th-16th centuries, it was common for individuals to develop skills in multiple fields. The term universal or "Renaissance" man was typically used to refer to these individuals.

In c. 1482, Leonardo da Vinci wrote a letter to the Duke of Milan requesting work. The letter is like a resume listing all his skills and abilities.  (Click here to see the translation of the letter) Most of what da Vinci writes is a list of his weaponry and construction skills, downplaying his artistic abilities. Today, da Vinci is seen as one of the most innovative men of his time, and his painting "Mona Lisa" is the most recognizable piece of art worldwide.  Obviously, his art skills cannot be downplayed.

Being a wannabe is my pursuit of becoming a universal woman--someone good at many things.

This blog started in 2012 to document my story as I embrace my inner voice on my wannabe journey.  My main goal is to pursue this question.  “Who are you really, wanderer?” Not only in relation to my career path but also in how I choose to live my life and the person I am trying to become.  

Thanks for joining me.