Asker or Guesser? / by Krista Boivie

I stumbled across this blog post the other day that asks the question if you are an Asker or a Guesser? Check out the post here. The idea comes from writer Andrea Donderi.  The premise is that there are two types of people in the world; those that ask for things and those that will only ask for something if they know or are fairly certain the answer will be yes (oh, and guessers also have a very difficult time saying no to the askers).

I fit solidly into the category of a guesser--but I would love to be an asker.  I have a number of close people in my life that have absolutely no hesitation to ask for anything that pops into their minds--I could also rattle off the number of students I have taught over the years with this ability.  I am always secretly jealous and annoyed at the same time when this happens.  Jealous because they appear to have no fear, and in fact, shrug off the sting of rejection when they hear the word no.  Annoyed, because I don't have this skill and quite often I fall into the trap of saying yes to whatever their request may have been--all the while wishing I had said NO.

I constantly have a running dialogue in my head--I preplan conversations, decisions and almost every move I make. Very rarely am I spontaneous with what I say.  I think this constant planning (my guessing state) also makes it more difficult for me to strike up casual conversations with people.

As a guesser, I can look back on countless examples when I dropped subtle hints, and said things hoping the other person would pick up on what I was not saying and just jump in with a yes--or offered to solve my unasked problem.  Even though I do this (more often than I'd like to admit) I almost never have any success. I think this failed communication strategy might only work on other guessers.

I haven't come across any useful tips to learn to be more of an asker--I am all ears if you have any suggestions.  My guessing personality isn't getting me anywhere and maybe I would have more success as an asker.

What type of personality are you?