I had the secret desire growing up to be a spy (or a detective). I only read mystery novels and carried around a homemade detective kit. My dad, a former FBI agent, even taught me how to lift fingerprints. Even though I dreamed about solving crimes when I grew up, I knew I could never be a spy. I don't blend in. I never have and I never will. I have always wanted to be "normal", but it just isn't in my DNA. I have always stood head and shoulders above my peers. Literally. By the fourth grade I was taller than my classroom teacher (by the way--my teacher was a man). I stand over six feet tall today and no matter how much weight I may try to lose, I will never be a small woman.
Because I have never fit in physically, I have often felt like an outsider. Even in my own family I am not normal. I have only brothers and I don't speak the same language they do. My family is amazing, but I don't think they really get me.
My wannabe journey has also been my journey to fit in. Wanting to fit in and be normal is a natural desire, but often I have found the attempt to be futile. I know that I am a work in progress and that I might not ever get over the desire to fit in and be like everyone else, I guess I will just need to find my own form of normal.
How do you deal with trying to fit in?